You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
