she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize