apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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