god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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