Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
