you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
