That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
