I think im going to throw up on grandma
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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