1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I could fuck to npr.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
