so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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