i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
