well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sarcasm needs its own font
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
