Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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