I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
