my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
