my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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