It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
