So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
