She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize