I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
