A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to calm my uterus...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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