I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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