i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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