Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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