you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
