cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
