He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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