I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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