You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
