Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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