Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
