Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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