Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
