I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize