I hate all girls vehemently.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
