On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
