Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
