Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
