Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
