I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
