We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
