I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
