Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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