I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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