she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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