and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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