Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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