I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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