Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
