I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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