I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
