it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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