Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
