Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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