finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
