Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
