We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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