so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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