Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
