I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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