I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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