Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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