Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
