He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize