Where is the hickey?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize