I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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