yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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