So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
